Snowflakes

Photo by Caitlyn Hofmaster :)

The other day I was in Galina, Illinois with my family and Caitlyn to celebrate my birthday. We spent the afternoon walking along the quaint little streets of the adorable town, stopping to look in the windows of shops and admiring the splendor of the bright displays and Christmas decorations. As we walked along it started snowing. It was perfect, like something from a movie. The amazing thing was that as the snowflakes were falling, instead of clumping together, they were landing on the ground in perfect shapes. We noticed some that had landed on a black trash can lid making them easy to see and admire. Amazed by the intricate design and uniqueness of each one, we spent at least 10 minutes looking at them. At one point a man asked us why, of all the hundreds of stores, we were staring at the trash can. Yet, to look and see these amazing little formations of frozen water that had fallen from the sky above fascinated us. It made me so aware that God pays attention to details. The same God who created each snowflake to look exactly like it did knows my heart as well. He knows every corner of my thoughts, every hope and dream, every hurt and every disappointment. He sees the path he's laid before me, and just like the details in the snowflakes, He's crafting each and every moment of the journey.

Oh, No...

Tonight was a disaster. Tomorrow I plan to use my brain :)

1. Get stuck waiting for a train.
2. Realize I don't have a key to get into work.. Drive across town to get it.
3. The roads glare at me, icy cold.
4. My windshield wipers wont work and I can't see where I'm going.
5. That road is closed. Last minute turn in the middle of the intersection.
6. "Don't roll that window down!!! It gets....stuck." It's 30 degrees outside.
7. I'm driving up a one way street. Going the WRONG way!!! ... Laughter.
8. Wrong exit, wrong turn, wrong lane... Someone get me out from behind the wheel!
9. Confuse the lady at the Sonic drive through... It's called "Route 44", not "R.T.44".. haha ;)
10. I successfully make it home to search my bedroom, purse and pockets for that darn key...
11. Dad- "Ally, did you realize that you hit the garage door while backing out last night?"
12. Me- "Are you serious?"... "Yes, I can tell that you are..." Not funny.

I realize how helpless I am at times. My need for grace astounds me. There's a new start with the sunrise and I'm thankful for that.

Caitlyn, You're probably the only one who will be able to fully appreciate this. Lol

...Silly song, silly song

I need to go to bed

I'll listen just one more time...

To remember again

The Drive Through...

The holidays are different for me this year. After this summer, I can't get out of my head how much we as American have compared to so many others around the world. I saw Thanksgiving in a whole new light this year as I thought about what some of my Mozambican friends would have given to feed their families that meal. Then there was Black Friday... I don't know if I could use the word 'angery' to describe how I felt, but thinking of the mobs of people who would stand in line or camp in tents in a freezing cold parking lot just to buy a new TV seemed ridiculous. Don't get me wrong, I see nothing shameful in a finding a good deal or spending money.. but hearing the stories of angry shoppers driven by selfish materialism, stampeding and killing people just so they can get an ipod or whatever else it is they think will satisfy them, makes me sick. Anyway, with that being said, I was just feeling a little disgusted over how delusional and selfish all of it seemed.

Then I heard a story that made me smile. My Aunt, with her daughters and sisters, likes going shopping on Black Friday each year. They have a tradition of going to Burger King that morning, and for some reason they always wear those BK crowns you can get while they eat....lol. This year they were sitting by a window and amusing themselves by waving at the people going through the drive through (if you knew my relatives and how hilarious they are, you would understand).. They weren't getting much of a response from people so the decided that the next person to go through and acknowledge them by waving back, they were going to pay for their food. So, a couple pulls up and sees them, smiles, and waves, so my aunt runs to the counter and tells the employee that they wanted to cover the cost of the couple's food that had just pulled up! From their table they could see the confused yet delighted expressions on the faces of the people in the car. Tickled by the fact that they had just covered the whole $3 meal and most likely made someones day, they decided to do it again. This time it was a van that pulled up, and little did they know that it was FULL of people. when my aunt ran up to pay for them it was $16 dollars! So they pooled their pocket change together and gave it anyway. It made my day to hear this! On a day when so many people were out to "get" they chose to give.

‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ -Acts 20:35

vulnerable

Why is it so hard to admit that we aren't as strong as we think we are? That we struggle, mess up, trip and fall, and are far from perfect? Is it because we think everyone will leave us? Is it because it makes us vulnerable? But how can anyone love us if we're not real? How can it be love if it comes easily and requires no effort? If it's true that love never fails, then we are free to.

On My Mind...

* I want a simple life.
* Where will I be this time next year?
* My room is cold tonight.
* Drunk old men are entertaining to serve.
* Is it really wrong to eat someone else's left over popcorn?
* I miss popcorn in Mozambique.
* I need to call the recording studio.
* I.DO.NOT.QUIT.OR.SETTLE.
* Balance is hard to find sometimes.
* How willing am I to give up EVERYTHING?
* It's ok to cry, but difficult to do while jogging.
* I'm tired of sharing my room with spiders
* Have I ever eaten a spider in my sleep???
* 4.0?
* Tomorrow is my Dad's birthday.
* Taco Bell always gives me free food.
* How much Portuguese can I learn by this summer?
* My check list for the week is getting shorter :)
* I'm blessed to have such amazing people in my life.
* I need to wax my snowboard.. ok, have Mark wax it for me...
* "I don't need a telescope to see that there's hope..."
* Praying for wisdom.
* I need to go to bed.

Three and a half months later...

Just a few thoughts...

Somebody told me, not long after I got home from Africa, that the next few months would be when I learned the most from what I experienced. I didn't understand at the time but I think I do now. I don't know why it is, maybe I just process things slowly or it's needed a chance to sink in, but the last month I've felt that God has been challenging and changing me while bringing so much of what I've learned together. When people ask me what Africa taught me, in the past it's been hard to condense my thoughts into something that they would understand or begin to be able to grasp, but I think I know now. Africa showed me just how incredibly fragile and precious life is and how insignificant material things are. Consequently, that stuff can not satisfy yet all the while screaming that it is God who can. I can't deny how marvelous and great He is, and when I see this I can't help but realize how small I am. Standing in wonder of Him, I long to give Him everything, to worship Him, surrender completely. It's been so amazing to see how God has taken what I saw and helped me to grow through it. He's shown me the areas in my life that I have withheld from him and gently pried open my fingers, freeing my hands to worship him more.

Blind

I really didn't have anything to say... I was just overcome by an overwhelming sense of guilt that I haven't posted anything for a while so I thought I would. OK, not really. I just don't want to go to bed yet... I got on here not knowing what I was going to write about, but the task it's self proved to be a worthy topic. I KNOW that it's been too long when I can't remember what my password is... yeah, I know...that's bad. Maybe it's just because I'm such a devoted student that I can't make time to blog...
I must have tried at least 10 different passwords.. ranging from old ones that I've used in the past to my dog's name. I was getting really frustrated and could not think of any other possibilities, and was trying them over and over in hopes that something would work. Then I looked down and noticed that I was supposed to be typing out one of those annoying little code things that pops up for security purposes.. or whatever. I HAD been entering the right password, I just wasn't giving it all the information that it wanted. Blinded by frustration I totally had missed something that was right in front of me. I wonder how many other times this has been the case? How else am I blind because I let myself get so wrapped up and overwhelmed? Sometimes, I just need to take a deep breath and open my eyes.

Weightless

Tonight I went flying with Dad. I love spending time with him, doing what he loves and letting him show me how. It was a calm night, perfect for flying and escaping to a place high above the noise and busyness of life. I've always loved the take off. It's an amazing feeling when suddenly your no longer touching the ground and everything is slipping away, growing smaller. But more than that I think I love it because it's a feeling of total surrender, faith in something out side of your self. In that there is freedom. I have no control, I'm left with nothing but the choice to trust in what's holding me.
We flew over the Iowa sunset and watched it until there was only a little shimmer on the horizon and then as it slipped away completely, or until tomorrow when in God's perfect timing is rises again. I found as we coasted 3,000 feet up that I was calm and peaceful, the thoughts and stress of life I had left below. That is what I want for my life everyday, even when my feet are on the ground. To be completely suspended by trust, holding on to nothing that might weigh me down or cause me to doubt the one in the pilot seat. I don't want to be tied to this world or the wealth and empty promises it brings, not bearing the burden of my own selfishness or need for control.
As we turned on final I could see the pale blue and teal lights of the runway, so perfectly aligned as if they had always been there to lead us home. They reminded me of the simplicity that comes in trusting God's plan and direction when we're willing to let him be the pilot of our lives.

All There

School has begun! Change is sometimes a hard thing, I'll admit that it was difficult for me to let such an amazing, life changing, exciting, wonderful summer go! Looking back over the memories, I truly feel blessed. While change is hard, it's almost always a good thing. A new chapter of this thriller story called life. So with the new semester in my view I have several choices to make. What will I make of it, what will I let it make of me? After spending a month in Africa this summer it's easy to compare what I'm doing now and view it as trivial, unimportant, certainly not as glorious. I'm so excited about the ministry opportunities God has given me for the next couple of months and can't wait to see what he has in store, yet school seems daunting at times. It's tempting for me to not want to care about it.. to just "make it through" and get it done. But then I think about it and I realize that THIS is what has been given to do. At this moment, for this time, this season, this is my ministry my chance to serve Christ in ALL I do. My parents have always told us to "Do your best" and sometimes I cant get that to stop echoing in my head. Just getting it done is not my best. Too many are satisfied to 'just get by' when we're called to do each task whole heartily- as unto God. I may seem small right now, a class, a paper, an assignment, but those who are faithful in little are faithful in much. I'm finding I can't get there all alone. I need accountability to push me through and I'm so thankful for the ones holding me to it! Most of the time its the small things in life that show our true character and how hard we're willing to work for something. It's not about going through the motions. One of my favorite quotes is by a man named Jim Elliot who said, "Where ever you are, be all there". So obvious, yet I'm challenged by it's simplicity.

People keep asking me about pictures of Africa and I have most of them up on Facebook, but here are just a couple.

Fingerprints

I've been reading the book of Galatians this past month and Chapter 4 has really stood out to me. In it, it talks about Abraham and his two sons. One of those being the son that was born by his slave wife and the other from his freeborn wife. Verse 23 hit me in a way that I had never thought of before. It talks of how his slave born son was a human attempt to bring about the fulfillment of God's promise, and how his son born from his freeborn wife was God's own fulfillment of his promise. It just made me think about how there can be such a difference between a human attempt of something and God's own fulfillment. I don't want to have anything that is born of my own human attempt to bring about God's promises and plans for my life. Yet it's so easy to do when you start to look at things through your own thinking and not by faith. It's easy to make decisions and get ahead of yourself when you're excited about something or when your afraid or simply because you haven't taken the time to pray about something and so you act out on your own reasoning. I would imagine that that was the case for Abraham and Sarah. Through their eyes they believed that it would be impossible for God to fulfill his promise through them, so they came up with their own plan. I think for myself I like to try and figure everything out a head of time, my own life plans and possibilities, but I'm realizing that I have to be patient and that the only place to be is right where God has asked me to be at that very instant. When we were in Africa we talked a lot about God 'messing up' our dreams and how to truly serve him we have to let him lead us even when that mean letting him take what we hold dearest to our hearts and what we have planned for our selves. It's only then that he can truly lead us and we can learn to trust him. When I look back over my life I want to be able to see HIS fingerprints all over it, not my own.

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not on your own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

Home

I'm home from Africa. Leaving was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I fell in love with it and would have stayed longer had I been able to. The day we left broke my heart. It was so hard to say goodbye to all of the amazing people that I met while I was there. Driving to the airport and looking out the window of the car at my last glimpses of Mozambique was a strange feeling. After spending a month there, walking and living along side them, laughing with them, dancing with them, crying with them, singing with them, praying with them, and even mourning with them, I was going home. It was hard to think that as I passed by their little huts and homes, and watched from a car window as they walked along the muddy streets, that this would go on. That life for them would continue and I would go home. To my family, my mother my father, and my siblings. All healthy, happy, and alive. To my home, where my bedroom alone could fit their whole house. To school, to finish up my junior year.. I met 34 year old who were in 10th grade.. who worked to feed 4 kids and then rode a bike for an hour to go to school till 11:30 at night. In some ways it just seems so unfair. It's easy to feel guilty about how much I've taken for granted in the past.

Africa taught me a lot, and one of those things was that we can be so ungrateful for what we have. Spending time with people that have so little makes you start thinking and viewing things differently. When we landed in South Africa I cried to see the fancy airport and the stores, all filled with stuff that seemed so unnecessary. When I walked in my house and saw the beautiful flowers my family had bought me my first thought was that so many of the girls I had met probably never had anyone buy them flowers. Or when I heard my little brother and sister fighting in the car I couldn't help but think how ridicules they were being to make a big deal out of something so small. I feel as though I see the world through a new lens now and I'm thankful for it. I have a new perspective. I realize how much I have to be thankful for and how much I have to give to those who don't. It showed me how selfish I can be with what is not my own to begin with. It also showed me that joy doesn't have to be determined by our circumstances, and what it looked like to truly have nothing but your faith in Jesus getting you through. My trip may be over, but in a way I think a lot has just begun. I want to share what I saw with others and I want to go back. One thing that several of the people I met, Nelsa, Maria, Fernando, Afonzo, Rosi, Simone, Vicente, Ercilio.. to name a few, told us was to remember them when we went home. I smile when I think of that. I don't think that I could ever forget them.

This Little Light of Mine

One of the things that we've been doing a lot of here is teaching in the schools.  Caitlyn is in charge of teaching English and I get to do music with the kids.  We thought that it would be great to combine the two, so we've been teaching the kids several songs in English.  One of those songs... which now has been sung like 700 times... is This Little Light of Mine.  We've said several times that when we leave, we never want to hear it again!   

The other day we were driving through the village and from the car could hear the sound of little voices singing it as we passed by the huts.  I started thinking about how it had spread from the schools, on to the homes of the children, and most likely on to their little friends and family members.  I guess it was just neat for me to see how it was making its way through the town.  The truth is, we can influence people in ways that we don't even know and it can have a ripple effect through so many lives.  Even the smallest things have the potential to make a difference.  We can choose what it is we want to leave with people and to pass on.  My hope for this trip is that our team can be used by God to reach lives and shine as lights, which like the song, can be spread from heart to heart and life to life.

"In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father."

                                                                                                                                     Matthew 5:16

Project Life Walk

Hello from Africa!  I feel really bad that I haven't posted more, and this is going to have to be sort!  I am still alive and I'm doing well =)  The past week/ couple of days have been amazing!  There is so much to experience here, I love it!!  Today was really exciting because Caitlyn and I got to go on a Project Life walk.  Project Life is an out reach to the people in the community who have AIDS.  We got to walk through the village and stop by people's houses who were sick and spend time talking and praying for them.  We didn't have  a translator this morning so it made it a little difficult but it was still really amazing just to be able to watch.  I was able to pray for some people, the first being a little boy who was probably two years old.  I don't really know what was wrong with him but his swollen belly and tired eyes made it obvious that he wasn't feeling well.  The father put him in my arms as we were leaving.  I couldn't help but wonder if he was scared.  It's a helpless feeling in a way, knowing that this little life is so fragile.   I also met a woman who was recovering from malaria.  She was 5 months pregnant too.  And there was Benjamin, a man who I believe had AIDS and was struggling to walk due to bad knees.  Still, he managed to greet us warmly and to smile.  It was amazing to walk through the mud huts and grassy fields.  I tried to imagine what it must be like to live like they do here, to not have my home to return to, my family, and my health.  I've learned that we take so much for granted in America.  It's made me want to slow down and take time to be thankful.

Today is a new day in Africa. We're off to church in just a few minutes but I thought I would post something so you all know that I'm still alive.. =)

It's been going great here. Yesterday was amazing. We spent the first part of it swimming in the indean ocean and collection sand dollars on the beach. Sometimes we just need to get away for a little bit. It's easy to think that it doesn't effect you to be in a culture so different from what your used to, and then when you get a little break you realize how tired you really are. Then in the afternoon we went back to the church and lead a youth group called Friends of Jesus. I think it went really well. All the kids seemed to be following and understanding what we said. We got to sing with them too. I cant even explain how it feels to sing with them. They're all so good and the sound is amazing because they sing so loud!! They didn't know the words so they were making up some of their own and clapping. I've already been told that I need to work on my rythm... these people are amagzing. You wouldn't belive the beats they can come up to just to sing songs like The ABCs!

Today (Sunday) was quite an experience. We woke up early and hit the road to go visit a church about an hour away. it probably wouldn't have taken us so long to get there had the road actually been... a road. To say it was bumpy would not even begin to describe it. There were very few cars but lots of people walking, carrying huge bundles on their heads ( I bet they they can carry up to 50lbs. on their heads) there were also many people on bikes. There weren't many houses, but every so often we would come across a few grass huts. When we pulled into the church I had expected at least a building with solid walls. Instead it was a hut made out of grass, sticks, and mud. I bet it was no longer than 80 feet and 50 ft. wide. we almost had to duck to get in and once inside found it was full of people who had already started singing. Most were sitting on benched and there were probably 20 or more kids gathered around on the dirt floor up front. We could hear the drums beating loudly as we stepped inside. We were met by a few people who showed where to sit. The singing and wild dancing went on for about 30 mins. Dust was flying everywhere. It looked like something that you might have seen in a movie. Sitting there watching was an amazing experience. It was one of the strangest things I have ever experienced. It compared to nothi ng I had ever seen before, yet at the same time, I didn't’t feel completely out of place like I had thought I might. Looking into their dark eyes and listening to their shouts of joy and laughter I realized that that when it came down to it, we were no different from each other. I guess I had thought that because I could not understand their language or comprehend what it might be like to live in a world like theirs, that something would make them different from me. One thing that really touched me was when one of them, or one of us Americans, would pray. With out it being translated we had no idea what was being said, and the same for them when Pastor Todd would pray. It hit me sitting there in the little grass hut church that it made no difference to God who was speaking. God looked at us and heard neither English or Portuguese, he saw neither rich or poor, black or white, African or American. Only his children coming before him.
After the service we lined up and shook all of their hands. From the littlest of children to the most tired and worn old woman and men they came to meet us. It was a privilege to meet each one of them. They had made lunch for us and gave each of us huge bowls of rice, beans and a meat that we never did identify. It took a lot of faith for me to eat it! I think if there was ever a time to pray over your food, that was it. We had=2 0no silver wear so we ate it with our hands, which was an adventure in many ways… all the while the rest of the congregation waited out side the hut. They did not eat with us. We hoped that the money we gave in the offering was enough to cover what feeding us must have cost them. During the service I was able to give my testimony which was translated for them, as well as play guitar and sing with Chel and Caitlyn. They howled and danced for us as we played. The song we had chosen was “He Reigns” by the newsboys. It gave me goose bumps to sing “It’s the song of the redeemed, rising from the African plane”. I don’t think I will ever forget this.

---

Boa Tarde from Mozambique!
I'm finally here!! After an adventure of cancelled flights, long delays and unplanned trips to Germany, we got here yesterday!! I slept really well last night... except for waking up once hearing laughing because I was talking in my sleep. Caitlyn asked me who I was talking to and I told her "south Aftica" i guess... lol We got up and went on a tour of the town. It was a little overwhelming to see all of the poverty but the kids and their bright smiles and cheerful greetings made our day. We also went to the market where we bought capalanas (African dress). For lunch we went to a really neat restaurant in Beira that was right on the beach. It was great getting to know our translators, Arcillio and Vacinti . we spent the afternoon playing soccer on the beach and trying to sing worship songs together in Portuguese... it was funny. Tomorrow we're going to get to work. we're responsible to lead a youth group meeting on the topic of love. It's really overwhelming to see everything. It really makes me think when I compare it to life back home. To me, I know that in a month I will be back to life as normal, but this is ALL that they have. I'm so encouraged by the joy that I have seen in them. Even in the midst of all of this they take time to smile and say hello. I'm going to be posting more soon but I just wanted to let everyone know that I made it here!!

Prayer requests
-Good health, (sleeping well)
-energy and enthusiasm to get things done!

Somebody pinch me! This can't be real! I thought it was becoming more real these last few days that I was going to Africa, but today I've felt like I'm either losing my mind or dreaming!! Am I really going to get on a plane tomorrow and fly around the world to a place that doesn't even seem real to me right now? Sometimes I feel like I'm making it up when I tell people that I'm going to Africa... It's amazing the doors God can open up and how exciting things can be when you wait on his timing and trust him. I'm pretty sure it is real.... I'm reminded that it is when I look at the 132lbs of luggage that is sitting out in my living room. Who packs that much anyway?? I mean, that's more than I weigh! Lol I will have everyone know that I did not pack 130lbs of personal things... we are responsible for transporting over $20,000 worth of medical supplies to Mozambique. That took up a lot of weight, and was an adventure to pack up!! Thankfully we got everything to fit. I pretty much spent the day getting last minute things together and spending time with my family. Oh, and I had to go get blood drawn because I need to know what type of blood I have so in case I get mauled by a zebra they can fix me. I should have done that a long time ago but just remembered today. I figured they would just prick my finger or something, but no, vampire lady filled two syringes! You would think they could tell by a drop but obviously not!! OK, enough about blood. I will say though that I'm really tired of needles and pointy objects though. Five shots and getting my blood drawn twice was enough for one trip.Today has been interesting. I can already tell that this trip will be intense. I think all of us on the team would agree that it's already a flood of emotions. At one moment I can barely contain my excitement and the next I'm holding back tears. I don't really know why it's been so emotional. My mom said tonight that it's probably because it's going to be such a significant time in our lives. I know that I will come back changed and with a new perspective on life as I've known it. I'm so excited right now! I can't wait to meet the rest of our team, Chelye and Sean!! I will try and post again soon. Most likely the next time I'll be in Mozambique!**Prayer requests-That all the Flights go smoothly tomorrow and we don't miss any!

Oh, my! Only 5 days before I leave for Africa! Sometimes it's not real to me that I'm going. It's like I'm going to the moon.. I know it's really there, yet it's so far away from everything I've ever known! Sometimes it's overwhelming to think about. It's not very often that someone gets the chance to go to Africa. I feel like God has been preparing me for this for a long time in the things he has taught me these past years. About who he is, and how he has worked in my life and changed my heart. I want to make the most of this opportunity. I don't want to waste this. But then today I realized that this trip is no different than any other day before it. God has set a task before me to reach the people of Mozambique this summer just like he has set a task before me each morning I get up. Yes, the location will be different, the culture will be different, the language will be different, the food will be different, the time will be 7 hours different, I will be surrounded by people I have never met, I will be out of my comfortable little "bubble" but the job at hand is the same. To serve and to obey.

Finish Strong...

Really, I should be doing school right now... but instead I've decided that I'm going to write my first post on here. Ironically, It's going to be about finishing up these last couple weeks of school, doing my best, not slacking off, and of course... NO PROCRASTINATING by doing frivolous little things...

It's at that point where the end is so near that I'm finding it really easy to slack of. It's been especially hard know that I have so much to get ready before my trip to Africa but that I need to finish up school. I definitely got myself in over my head this semester! I'm only taking three classes but it might as well be 10 because I picked the ones that I'm the least "talented" in (that being math and science. ha. ha.) Not only that, but I'm doing them online. I'm not sure what I was thinking... I now realize that Chemistry was never meant to be self taught... and that there was a reason my professor said less than half of us would make it through. One thing is certain though, and that is after all of this, I'm going to be confident that I can make it through almost anything! A good grade will be proof that God still does miracles!

I tend to be a perfectionist when it comes to school. I guess the way I look at it is that it's what I've been given to do right now, and I might as well do my best at it. Even if I pretend to hate my classes, there a part of me that just loves the challenge of them! I hate feeling like I could have done better.. I guess those who are faithful in little are faithful in much! Still, as the end draws near, I find myself just wanted to be done. But just like anything in life, it's the times that we don't care that we really have to. It's then that our real character is tested and our true colors come out. I think it's easy (at least for me..) to let how I feel determine how I act. I'm learning to strive to be the one who sets there feelings aside and just gets the job done. Jim Elliot once said, "Where ever you are, be all there". That is my hope, for not only getting all of my assignments turned in, test studied for and passed, or textbooks read, but also my life. I want to look back and know that I've given my all and held nothing back from the one who gave it to me in the first place.

So here comes the point where I take my own advise, and go get to work =)